Apparently I have two types of depressions. One, the kind where I know I'm depressed and why. These, to me, are more dangerous. There's general feelings of lethargy and melancholy. I'm more likely to take someone out if they push me too far, because this type is the kind where I can swing real fast.
Then there's the other type, where I may or may not know I'm depressed. The deciding factor here is, regardless of whether I know or not, I don't know why.
While I recognize the problems of the first type, it's the second that bugs the hell out of me, because then I start sleeping a lot more than necessary. I get nothing done. I despise this.
Not that I get anything done with my mania, since I have a million thoughts running around so fast in my head that it's damn near impossible to latch onto one for any significant purpose.
.....
Life is more or less back to normal. It's not quite as bad as it was in March, though April's going to be hell just because someone got their bookkeeping screwed up and is out a hundred bucks.
Me, I can't decide if I want to get a Gamecube, or an official, Squaresoft sanctioned, sterling silver pendant like Tidus wears in FFX.
I'm writing a fic. Slowly getting back into fandom again, though no way in hell am I going to put myself out as prominently as I did before. The bitch factor of fanfiction is growing by leaps and bounds on both ends of the spectrum. I don't have time for it.
My logic: Like it, read it. Don't like it, don't read it.
Sure, I get mad when I accidently read a deathfic, because the author wasn't considerate enough to label it as such, (helLO, angst and death, label them separately!), but I'm not going to go flame the author about it, (especially under the thin veneer of a review/critique). I'll just avoid that author in the future. Simple.
But no, people have to make it difficult. Probably because the majority of people are in fact assholes, whether they want to admit it or not. And the levels are rising.
I blame this on our current President and overpopulation.
For hell's sake, people... stop having kids! Does anyone else feel particularly annoyed when a person comes on the bus or wherever with 5+ kids hanging on their arms, and they don't watch the little brats? And the ages aren't even spaced out! Like one every friggen' year... stop it already!
I don't want kids. I don't want to bring them into this world and make them suffer even more than I did. The standards of living went down with my generation, so what would that mean for any of my own offspring? Sure, I'd like to bring a child into the world, just not this one.
I'm jumping topics.
But like I mentioned, I'm writing a fic. Part of a lyric wheel. (Confused? Go here.) The problem is, even though I've made it well beyond the 10kb minimum, the darn fic won't end. It keeps going, even while I'm trying to find the ending. Sheesh. And it's due on the 11th. C'mon, muse, cut me some slack. There are other fics to be written.
Before anyone asks, yaoi. Please, the day I write het is the day I'm getting paid to do so. I wish.
Did I mention I'm working on another site? I think I did... I forget. ::shrugs:: Well, I can repeat myself here and nobody will complain, (or if they do, I can ignore them pretty easily).
http://yaoiville.org/FFX_yaoi/
I'm still trying to figure out a decent navigation. And I need to add more sections (like wallpaper, and move those out of the yahoo files). I will... as soon as this fic lets me go.
And kee-rist... my arm hurts. Actually, a lot of things hurt, but I don't feel the connection. I feel out of touch with a lot of things, reality included for the moment.
...it's probably the music I'm listening to.
This was a pretty mundane entry, but that's a necessary part of life. If everything were exciting, deep, mystical, or whatever, well, how would we know?
Oh yeah... we're going to see about moving next door, and I wanted to ask if anyone knew of any good spiritual/karma cleaners and/or rituals. I'm looking into Wiccan rituals at the moment. That apartment has some bad karma, but the location would remove a lot of the stress we're suffering from if we can get it cleaned up.
...and I speak of this so casually.
It's early, least it was when I started. I'm going to lay back down for awhile.
"Sing with me, if it's just for today
Maybe tomorrow, the good lord will take you away..." - Dream On
