Jen, not that I'm even sure if you're reading this/talking to me, but here it goes. Honeslty, I can't say what you could/should/might do unless you know why you keep backing out. Maybe if you could think about that, it might help. Why? Are you, perhaps, afraid of what she'll say? Afraid of how you'll take it? Once you figure that part out, then you may be able to understand a little more and even get to a point where you'll be able to without backing off. Just a thought.
For Kit, yes, still SNAFU.
...I finally dreamed last night, though... it made no sense. But it was a dream all the same.
I can't recall all of it, really. I know there were mice... and there were spiders. Lots of both, and almost none were friendly. Mice and spiders are two things I'm not overtly fond of, especially spiders (though I don't freak out unless they actually crawl on my person somewhere). Yet of the bunch, one mouse and one spider somehow became my... friends. I can't say pets, though I don't know why. And this spider did crawl on me, and a part of me knew that this had to be some kind of dream/alternate reality, because I could feel my real Self recoiling from the sensation, yet in this dream, I did not. The weird part comes when some larger than life spider starts absorbing all the other spiders in the world (No, I didn't look at any Sci-Fi. I don't even look at TV/Movies unless it really catches my eye). She (yes, big spider was female, though how I know, considering I know nothing of spider anatomy, is beyond me) really wanted my spider, for some reason. All I can remember then is hiding in our (I shared an apartment with these unusual friends of mine) place, and remembering my spider all but crawling all over me in a state of panic until I managed to calm him down.
It's a blank after that. It leaves me with questions, like why would I befriend two creatures that I'd shy away from in Waking Reality, and why would I let one do something to me that I'd never go for in W.R.? I chalk up the large bitch-spider to an overactive imagination...
...except for one very tiny detail about the whole thing.
When my dream-Self looked in the mirror, it wasn't me.
I mentioned this to a friend, who blithely said it probably wasn't my dream, but rather someone else's who either accidentally projected, or I was ultra sensitive and picked it up. Yes, she's into psychics (the real ones who don't charge money), astral projection, ESP, things of that nature. Having a mom who has some obvious talent in regards to reading people's auras, I'm a bit more open-minded to things of that nature (with astrology horoscopes being the exception).
So I dreamed, but it may not have even been mine.
Lovely.
Pulled up by the shorthairs of sleep when someone wanted me to print out a pic even after I told them my printer isn't good for B/W photos but they wanted me to try so I did and it came out all wrong so they didn't use it but instead will IM me so I can tell them where to get it online and why is it people don't listen to me when it's fairly obvious I speak from experience and not just yapping out the side of my mouth but no obviously I'm smoking some really f-ed up crack and therefore should be ignored.
This leads to a lot of 'I told you so's, of course.
But they don't listen. They ask, and do the opposite.
I've since considered slitting my larynx in the hopes that maybe not being able to answer will deter people from asking in the first place.
But I'd miss harmonizing with some of the songs I listen to, and I've been told I have a pretty good ear for it.
FUBAR
