And I know Fates had their hand into today, because it's the only way to account for the sheer horridness of it. So many ill fitting puzzle pieces falling onto the canvas that is the ever present Today, because nobody lives in Tomorrow or Yesterday, even if they seem like they do. No, we are all stuck in Today whether we like it or not. The label may change. Friday... Wednesday... Monday... doesn't matter. At the core is Today.
And Today sucked dead goat's nuts.
The worst part is the loss of trust in a individual. To feel the harsh mark of betrayel by someone foolishly believed to never harm you... The act itself was quite harmless, in truth, but the inherent trust is still broken, much like the person. Their mask is broken, moreso than perhaps my own.
That is a frightening thought, to know there are individuals who's masks ae less substantial than my own.
It's hard, though, walking this thin line between society, ego, creativity, and soul. Go over too far into any one area is a cry unto Fate to cause havoc on a grand scale in one's life.
I think I gave up on ego... or else I confused it for soul and still gave up.
And I try and laugh sometimes, but it's impossible to laugh alone.
And still... there are no dreams to hide or run from in my mind.
Am I to be considered lucky, in that without the ability to dream, I do not suffer the demons of nightmares as well?
I suppose it falls back into that 'love... lost' conundrum.
I don't have an answer for that either.
All I have left are small oasis of true escapism, though I don't wield as much control over that as one may believe I should. Still, it's a small relief amidst the oppresive force of reality within and without.
I'd like to take this moment right here and now to note two things. One, I will always try and keep these things from hurting another, whether intentional or no, and especially if they've done nothing to warrant feeling awful just because I'm bemoaning my own reality.
Two, not everyone is like me.
Still, I do not understand why is it I'm force to suffer in one way or another because some other entity is going through an ordeal and feels the only way to cope is by lashing out blindly in all directions.
Worse is a lack of regret at their actions.
I'd rather die a little inside, than kill a little out.
Again, not everyone is like me.
I suppose that's a good thing, or else I would no longer be unique or have an identity of my own. And of course, there are others who I would rather not be like.
This reality weighs upon me. I just wonder if there's another to be had when I leave it.
