*cue cheesy infomercial music and highly paid fake announcer*

*A man stands in front of the camera showing his professionally whitened teeth in a broad grin.* "Hello everyone! I'm here today to tell you about a brand new product from those that brought you the Bish. Glomping Game. It's a new and exciting invention called Instant-Tidus! That's right! Instant-Tidus!"

"Are you tired of the same old things? Is Tuna just not all its cracked up to be?" *The man grimaces comically as he holds up a small tuna can with pictures of Yuna and Tidus on it.* "Well, just forget about it! *tosses can into an incinerator.* Do you want to see someone else with Tidus? Seymour? Wakka? Auron? Maika? With Instant-Tidus you can enjoy a fresh, new pairing! It's easy to use too! Just add water!"

*Tidus is dragged onto the stage by two harried stagehands.*

"Hey! What's the deal here! Lemme go!" *Tidus kicks and squirms trying to get away, but is shoved into a seat. Tidus snarls after the stagehands before pouting at someone off stage.* "Do I have to do this?"

"Yes." *A half eaten poptart is thrown at his head.* "Now shut up and do what you're supposed to!"

*The announcer smiles (still) completely unfazed by the "product's" glare. He holds a red bucket up for the camera.* "All you need with the Instant-Tidus is some water. Just dump it on Tidus and you're all set."

*Tidus shrieks as he is doused by a bucket of cold water. Water drips down his face and off his clothes. He looks like a drowned sex kitten.* ; )

"Look at that!" *The announcer doesn't even glance at the seething blonde.* "He is irresistible! It doesn't matter who you pair him with. Just lock him in the room with someone and presto! No more Tuna for you. Lets hear some compliments from one of our satisfied customers!"

*Fairady walks onto the stage with a cheesy smile for the camera.* "I bought my own Instant-Tidus a few months ago and I haven't regretted it. I just doused him with water and stuck him in a room with Wakka. Since then they've only come out to raid for supplies! Thank you so much!"

"Instant-Tidus is very easy to use and very affordable. Just check your nearest yaoi mailing list for ways to get your very own Instant-Tidus!" *The man gives the camera a thumbs up.* "And that's all the time we have. I'll see you next time!"