"Oh dear goddess"
10 / 23 / 02
General
Apparently there is a malevolent force out to make sure I do not stay too happy...
I just heard from the ML that Dannell's death was actually last month. She called an ambulance on 9-16, complaining of trouble breathing. She told the hospital she had no living relatives, so her body was never claimed. We don't know if she was given a county buriel or cremated or what. So I'm sitting here feeling this overwhelming helplessness because damnit, she deserved better than that. But there's nothing I can do.
Mi madre had a nervous breakdown last night because of my sister. Both of my sisters have been pushing her closer to the edge, even though none of us know why. Mom wonders what she did wrong to produce two extremely insensitive, shallow, and self-centered people. I know it wasn't her, though, because my brother and I aren't like that. I was forced to be insensitive to a point just to protect myself, but I know how to get past that when the need arises.
I have to run interference and keep those people who might set mom off away from her, while at the same time deal with my own imbalance. Add to that, I'm out of [prescription] drugs, but it's been hell trying to get them.
It's minor, but I can't help but feel I committed a faux pas (I spell that right?) at the con. It's bugging me, because I don't know what I did, nor to whom.
There's a million and one things waiting for me to do online, and I know I can't do them all and juggle this family thing as well, even though I'm foolishly going to try.
I feel myself slipping sideways, so I'm scrambling for an emotional purchase. I shouldn't be. I shouldn't be so stressed out and teetering on my own darkness after just coming from a break.
Unless it's for something I did wrong. But how the hell do you repent when you don't know what crime you committed in the first place?
Sorry, spammers forced my hand. Comments reviewed before being published.
Comments: 1 wind
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*hugs* I'm sorry; I didn't know Dannell, but I send my condolences nonetheless.
I was going to say welcome back from ycon, hope you had fun, etc. but I think I'll add some well wishes since you seem to be going through some hard times ;__;
Take care and keep your chin up.
( 1:26 pm )