"after effects"
05 / 02 / 08
indescribable
Sorry if this gets a little long. If anyone wants I can just insert some LJ cuts into the actual Nucleus post.
Funny how you don't think something has really effected you in any significant way, only to find out perhaps it did, but the external response is different than one might have imagined they would be.
I feel disconnected from those I know. When I tried to determine just when that started really, I found it's about when I was first told about Pep's cancer. And it's gotten worse in the last week. I'm not sure how to relate to anyone, either RL or OL, and I wind up keeping quiet even when something says I should say something. (Also why I have to ask people to remind me if I was suppose to reply to something.) I can't say I'm sad, but definitely not really enjoying anything that I would think I'd like under normal circumstances. And I don't know if this disconnection is because of some warped expression of grief, or due to the fact that I felt rather disconnected from the woman herself. And it didn't help being mistaken for my sister at the funeral And while I hate how purple and cliché this will sound, I feel like I'm experiencing everything through several layers of gauze. Now if only I could find a good pair of emotional scissors to cut through this.
I hope this isn't seen as whining. Honestly, I don't like it, but I'm not trying to complain about it as maybe understand it in the hopes of fixing it somehow. I think I know one way, but I have one part of my mind saying it would be a pointless exercise in word vomiting. Though perhaps that's what I need to do. Maybe.
Gnome, if you want me to drop from the RP given how long I've taken, I understand. If you think I should stay, email me for a good time to chat.
Byrdie, I haven't paid for that latest commission, I believe. Need your addie to send it to.
Kalli: Sorry, forgot the form sent to you when I was testing it. And did you want me to answer that last email?
May is beginning on a strange note. Will see how it plays out.
Sorry, spammers forced my hand. Comments reviewed before being published.
still winds
