Stew. Gumbo. Hotpot. Whatever you want to call it. It's all basically the same; a pot full of whatever you have on hand that can still taste edible when tossed together in some kind of soup base.

I thought it'd be easy enough. I had plenty of complimentary vegetables, after all. A solid broth base. Perfect use of available spices. I should've been happy.

Yeah, except I did something with the meat.

That reminds me, I need to really check out that rotting smell in the bathroom one of these days.

So great, no meat, and I have guest coming over. Don't look so surprised. I have my sane moments, and I like to socialise on occasion. Not everyone knows about my, how shall I say, less that stomach soothing times.

Yes, that sounds right.

Oh no, don't go daydreaming. Stick to the problem at hand, Xiuh. Think. Nearly finished stew, (gumbo, hotpot, whatever), guest coming in fifteen minutes, but no meat. And no time to run to the store. Besides, even if I could, there's the little matter of seasoning, tenderizing, marinade...

So what am I going to do?

And damn this nervous habit of mine. I'm always chewing on my thumb.

My... thumb...

And fingers. Hmm. Eight fingers, two thumbs... But they're awfully bony.

Screw it, a whole hand, well two if I can time it right.

Where's my cleaver--Ah ha. Hello there, precious.

Being ambidextrous, it doesn't matter which of you goes first. Let's see, eeney meeney miny moe.

Sink sink sink! Don't want to get blood all over the place, now do I?

Regrowth tingles. And itches. Ow. Need lotion when it's done.

Hello, Mr. left. Can you get rid of Mr. Right for me? I have a dinner date. Sink, damnit! Over the sink! Sheesh.

Tingle. Itch. Ow. Lotion.

Okay, that's done, now let's see what I can do with these. Kinda look like weird crustaceans, only without a shell and just five legs.

Boingy boingy.

Hmm, get rid of the nails. Wouldn't want the guests to choke. Skin is fatty, so that goes. Ah, lean meat. Just have to debone the suckers.

Hmm, that's really less than I'd hope. Oh Cleaver-san! Another two hands should do it.

Over the sink, thankyouverymuch!

Running out of time. Grow, darn ya. Have to cut these two before I can toss them in the pot.

Ah, good, have appendages back. Denail. Deskin. Debone. Yeah, that should be enough.

Wonder what kind of seasoning one uses on hands. Let's see. Garlic, definitely. Cut some of that gaminess. Meat tenderizer. And last but not least, bay leaves. Yes, that should work just nicely. Oh, good, it cooks quickly when cut up that small.

And just in time. A quick clean up. Toss the apron. Check self in mirror--ah, good hair day.

Yes, doorbell, I hear you.

Hello, friends! Welcome, come in. That smell? Oh, that's dinner. Yes, it does smell good, doesn't it? I hope you're hungry. It's a specialty of mine. I guarantee you won't find this dish made anywhere else. Sit down, relax. I'll bring it out and you can serve yourselves.

Don't rush me. This pot is hot. I know you brought your appetite, but some things go on their own schedule.

Why thank you. Glad you like it. That would be the bay leaf you taste there. ... oh, that? Special cuts. I have a deal with my butcher. No, I won't tell you. He works only for me.

Nope, sorry. I can't tell you the recipe. Uh-uh. Trust me, you're not getting it.

My dear, you'd literally have to cut my hands off to get it.