locuran

"nh"
03 / 04 / 08

indescribable

I didn't want to mention this until I had a timeframe. Now that I do... not that knowing helps any.

My older sister's grandmère has been diagnosed with liver cancer. I suppose I like the woman well enough, though I admit to having some issues when I learned about some of the things that happened between her and my stepfather. But that's beside the point. What this is doing now is damn near forcing me to acknowledge (and interact with) my sister, whom I still can't stand, and was planning on spending the rest of my life never seeing again.

Of course I had the "do it for 'granny' talk from mom. But even though I admit to liking the woman well enough, I can't say I feel close enough to her to deal with my sister. (I don't even like using 'granny', but would rather use her nickname of 'Pep'.) And she's not related to me, a fact my sister very loudly and rudely pointed out to our younger sister during an argument. In fact, she (and she alone) has often conveniently pointed out and claimed various unique blood-ties when it suited her. (And yet still didn't go to her own father's funeral, but everyone thought she did because I went.) But I digress.

It's very hard for me to let bygones be bygones when there was absolutely no resolution. Plus, school is very important to me and sapping my will to live takes up a tremendous amount of time. Plus I just know when I go over there I'm going to hear crap like 'you've gained weight'. (I know this, that's why I've traded my treadmill for a bike, thanks.) And 'what are you doing with your life'. (Back in school and working on it, helLO.) It will be very difficult not to point out that darling sis has graduated from UCLA and is currently unemployed, so kindly get off my derrière. I'm not one for humouring people unless absolutely necessary.

But knowing the timeframe (6 months, though I'm told that's a standard given for this and could well be longer) can I force myself to put aside differences, leave my comfort zone, and go visit once? It may seem easy and I should get over myself, but when I say I wasn't ever planning on seeing my sister again, that was one step shy of a blood vow. If I could stomach cutting myself, it might have been one at that.

I don't know. I think for now I'm going to finish this current class and think on it when my break comes up on the 17th. In the mean time, I'll do what I can to support mom, who is taking it hard.

Sorry, spammers forced my hand. Comments reviewed before being published.

Comments: 1 wind




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I'm sorry to hear that. Wish I had some helpful advice, but. . . I don't. :/

Kit Kat - 03 / 05 / 08
( 6:24 pm )