---

(8:09 am PT) - step back, step forward
[link] - (hopeful)

I had a bit of a WTF slice of life, so I took a few steps back from everything, or as much as I could. But I lost some data, (including belated present), and was unable to complete an assignment on time. And when I did do it, it didn't really answer the assignment at all. When my mind wasn't jumping around like a frog on speed, then I was just listless and too tired to do much. Either way, nothing was getting done. Then I realised the problem. And I now know that yes, there can be a difference between feeling bi-polar and being bi-polar. Because you can be one (being) without necessarily being the other (feeling). If that's confusing, it's like so: M-unit feels her bi-polar often, and is bi-polar. I am bi-polar, but I feel fine. The listnessness I spoke of was purely physical. What happens with me is my work productivity/creativity takes a nosedive, even though my emotional levels remain the same.

Nice when one can see the problems for themselves. But now comes the hard part of finding a decent therapist to help with it.

Actually, I don't feel I need therapy so much as I do drugs. I was doing very well on a particular type, but I haven't been able to get it prescribed in over a year.

I do think I know what triggered this, and unfortunately, it's not going away for another couple of weeks. As I said before, having a final project every nine weeks can't be healthy.

Well, now that I can see what's happening, hopefully I can manage. Not fun, but not crippling. I bought an old Collective Soul CD I didn't have and have been listening to it, which seems to be helping. (Gotta love music therapy.)

Been off my yaoi game for a bit, (reading cheesy 80s crimeshow slash will do that), so any recs on which scanlations to follow over at Y_D?

And randomly, I will work with size 6, and perhaps size 8, but I am never working with size 11 seed beads again. Ever.

---

(9:02 am PT) - thoughts
[link] - (hopeful)

If you're a friend of Mirchan, know of her through her works, or even have just a passing knowledge through me, I ask you to keep her in your thoughts tomorrow as she's getting some surgery done. Thank you.

---

(1:34 am PT) - Oops
[link] - (hopeful)

Haven't posted in a few days. Honest reason? I simply forgot. Plus, there's not much to post about. Though I could post about the concert. I would, but words just don't do it any sort of justice. I can't adequately describe how listening to Chocobo Swing made me giddy, or hearing Zanarkand brought to mind every beautiful moment I've ever experienced in my life. I don't know if I could properly convey the sheer emotion upon hearing that rendition of One Winged Angel. So like a coward, I didn't even bother to try.

Melodrama aside, it's been a week of recovery, both from the concert and 1-2 weeks worth of php coding. And silly me, I'm jumping right back into coding, in the hopes of helping a scanlation group improve their site. I don't mind, though. As I explained to my therapist, coding makes me feel a bit like a mad scientist, something I secretly always wanted to be whenever I'd see those types of characters on Looney Toons. I know, it's logically explained away as a need to create, manipulate, and ultimately control. But the kid in my demands I call a spade a spade, so I'll stick to the mad scientist label.

Tomorrow, if I'm extremely lucky, I'll continue an unfinished ff10 fic I started back in 03, I believe. At least I can try getting in a new part before I jump back into coding. ::crosses fingers::

---

(9:27 pm PT) - song search for the lazy
[link] - (hopeful)

Many blessings to whomever points me in the direction of the OP for FMA.

---

(11:44 am PT) - Oooh, the shiny new anime...
[link] - (hopeful)

I'm ten minutes into the first ep of Ayatsuri Sakon. I. Am. In. Love. Ukon-chan may be a puppet, but he's got my strings. (Take that any way you want.)

Please, goddess of anime, don't let it end tragically... or not to Sakon and Ukon.

Sadly, I have yet to find all the eps, so I'm going to have to do some serious searching, or see if I can use DC. Oi.

edit You know you're in for a ride, when the first ep includes a decapitation.

---

(1:30 pm PT) - I know one of you has one...
[link] - (hopeful)

Hullo again. To those who celebrate it, Happy Memorial Day. (Which to me is something of an oxymoron, but there you are.) To those who don't, hope your day is going well and as stress free as possible.

To the point of this, and to explain that subject. I know one of you who reads this feed/journal has it. One of you has to have a slight head for business. And I want to make use of it.

Yes, if any profit is made, you get a cut.

Basically, I want to sell something. But first comes the question of what. So far my choices appear to be as follows:

Occult items
Natural ingedient based beauty/body care items
Hand-made crocheted afghans/blankets
Adult candies/gift baskets (target: femme)

Of then there's the whole bit of overhead, (coming out pocket for supplies), setting up a site or selling on ebay, yadda. But first, I need to settle on a what.

So to that person who's hiding in the corner, thinking that ehy don't have an inkling for business, give anyway. You may surprise yourself.

I'm serious on this. I've asked before but I don't think anyone's really believed I want to commit to a venture. Well I do. And if I have to do it alone, so be it, but just some help on this will be greatly appreciated.

---

(7:04 pm PT) - almost...
[link] - (hopeful)

So I have almost everything I lost. The transfer went smooth up to My Documents, then the old HD flatlined again. Fortunately, Tony said he had a copy of all my folders on his computer. And since My Docs was the last one I was getting, and it's roughly 400-500 mb, he'll burn it on a disc and have it ready for me on Monday. Then I will be complete. So I' about 80% back up to speed.

Now I need more help. Anyone know of any decent DVD file burning proggies out? Not necessarily DVD copying proggies, though if you know of any of those, I want those too.

Anyway, I'm still moving things around, and I'm tired, so I'm going to go take a break. This last week has been very boring/excruciating for me.

---

(8:26 pm PT) - Here we go
[link] - (hopeful)

The computer is off at the shop.

Everyone, cross your fingers/pray/send positive karma/whatever. Tony sounds confident, but I'll take all the good thoughts/wishes I can get. It's not done until it's done, after all. He says if things go well, he might have it ready for data transfer tomorrow. ::keeps fingers crossed::

Anyway, this will be the last message until either: 1. I get it back; or 2. something came up. For my sake, I'm hoping you don't hear from me unless it's 1.

Going to go look at anime for the interim and try not to worry about it...

---

(11:22 am PT) - comp update
[link] - (hopeful)

No, don't have it back yet, not sure about the status, but those recovery CDs I wasn't expecting until W-Th arrived today. So we're going to take them to Best Buy and maybe they can tell me then how long until I get it back. It depends now on whether they have a replacement HD on site at the store, or if they have to have HP send them one. If it's the latter, then we're still looking at the rest of the week at least. So cross your fingers... that it's not the latter.

And when I do get it back, Kit, I'm coming for you. You misled me, dear. There were plenty of people who died in Soul Hunter. Grr. Though it was a decent series, I suppose, but still...

---

(9:35 pm PT) - Creative finances
[link] - (hopeful)

So, after having found out that I can depend on no one save the maternal unit yesterday, I did some recalculating of my finances.

See, each month following the end of the last con, I took out $100 to go towards this coming con. My annual goal is $1200, even though I doubt I spend that much. (I use left over for the next con, or splurge on more anime I got hooked on from the preceeding con). However, If, between May and October, I take out $200 instead, I can still make my $1200 goal in time.

The reason I'm doing this? 1: We need a car. 2: I can't wait until next month, when that asshole claims he'll get one. 3: I'm vindictive, and success is the best revenge.

So, tomorrow we look for a car that I'll front the dp on. Then, certain siblings can go suck their ass far as fleecing me for gas, or just not being there for family in case of an emergency. And the asshole? Well, if he gets the money, he can pay me back. However, I'm not banking on it.

But I will smile when mom tells him he can't go near it.

The day's looking up, most definitely. Now, if I can get some sleep tonight, maybe I can do some actual ficcage tomorrow. ::crosses fingers::

---

(12:43 pm PT) - Twin Signal question
[link] - (hopeful)

Does anybody know if there's any plans on the TS manga ever being licensed, or, know any good manga companies for me to pester write to and suggest they at least consider doing so?

---

(10:39 am PT) - lacklustre shine (when I can't think of a better subject)
[link] - (hopeful)

I've been slowly, partially choking on something for the past few days, now. Some sort of blackage, I don't know what, but it's been causing... problems.

And that's all I'll say on the matter.

I feel a bit remiss. My wit has been missing, and my humour a no show. Ditto the sarcasm, though admittedly I haven't had any good material to be sarcastic about, but still.

To those silent thoughts of "What wit?" it's self delusional, I already know, thanks.

On a brighter note, the matron-unit did put in the 60 day notice. Soon, my pretties. Soon I will leave this pit behind.

And I have my "goodbye" planned out.

After everything's moved, I'll have the sibling-unit come over here in her car, which recently had a new sound system improved. She'll come in very quietly between 4-5am, then I'll come down with a CD of the 1812 overture, complete with cannons. Need I go on?

Consider it my attempt at both injecting a bit of culture, while giving a good round of "fuck you" for over ten years of abject misery.

---

(8:50 pm PT) - Yaoi-con 2004 - let the madness begin
[link] - (hopeful)

So the madness of the con is once again upon us, and as usual, I'm aiming to go. (Huh, more like I'd better go.) You can get all the gory details at Tpod's post in the comm. http://www.livejournal.com/community/yaoicon/12779.html

The room rates are remarkably cheaper than past cons, which is a plus. So I'm putting out feelers now for those on the feed. If you're going and want to share a 1-2, let me know. However, if you decide you can't, please let me know asap. I don't want a repeat of last year and having a room to myself. I tend to lose it.

I've already sent off the $40 for reg. Here's to hope it's as good as '01 and '03.

---

(8:06 pm PT) - Good news, to those of open minds and hearts
[link] - (hopeful)

First official gay weddings

And again

Like Kit said, there's probably going to be some kind of state, if not national, backlash tomorrow, but until then, congratulations to all those wed today. Enjoy your moment, and I hope you all have very happy lives together, as wished for any other couple.

---

(9:35 am PT) - words to write by
[link] - (hopeful)

To anyone who's ever felt burned out on fandom/drawing/writing. To anyone who's wanted to give up creating anything, fannish or original, and call it quits. To those who want to toss the net and live on a mountain in Tibet.

I believe this is for you, from LJer iibnf. Link lifted from billradish.

---

(10:14 pm PT) - hard... hard hard
[link] - (hopeful)

Domino - I don't have Terry. I have Andy. /^-^\ |/

Ko-chan - Aw man, I don't know if I'm a third good enough to pull that off. (It didn't help things that for my own puberty, I was jipped of all the raging hormones and mad sex drive.) I'll try, but my ideas may be far off the mark. Still, yes, I'll give it a shot. (Obviously this means PWP is out.)

Mina - My SH muses are frackin' like rabbits. I see no trouble with your request, though expect a slight, hm, detour with the two. Yes, detour is a good word.

---

(10:33 am PT) - Please tell me these come out next year, or I'm doomed.
[link] - (hopeful)

Drools like the mindless fanfemme she is

---

(3:33 pm PT) - listen to the little pleading voice going out across 9 various associates' pages...
[link] - (hopeful)

...yes, listen, and help the little voice out, for it knows not what to do.

No, really, it doesn't, or I don't. I know I have half-finished things, but there's so many that I don't know which to do first. So please, if there's something you've been dying for me to finish (or just continue), let me know, or I'll sit in my corner of cyberspace and wither away.

Or just go play more Castlevania.

---

(8:09 am PT) - Blogging for charity
[link] - (hopeful)

We did it last year, we made it, and it was fun. So we're going for year 2.

The insane good folks at Blue Tumbleweeds are joining the hundreds of bloggers planning to sacrifice a day of sleep in the name of charity. That's right, it's Blogathon 2003.

This year the charity of choice for BT is the International Fund for Animal Welfare. Last year was people, this year, the animals. So I'm feeling particularly close to the cause this time out.

There's a summary site for BT's involvement, in case you want more info (or more info to pass along, hint hint). The URL is http://yaoiville.org/blue/blogathon/. There's also crappy pledge gifts depending on the amount of the pledge.

So I'm asking (all, what, seven of you who read this?) if you either have a few bucks to spare, it would help. If not, how about donating a little space on your own site? There's buttons to grab from the site above. Just make sure they link to our sponsor sign-up page at http://www.blogathon.org/sponsorsignup.php?p=805.

(You can also go there yourself if you wish to sponsor us)

But more than a sponsor, I ask you pass the word along. Tell family, friends, anyone who wouldn't mind helping out. And if they ask, yes, I believe it's tax deductible, though I think it depends on what state they're in.

Thanks, and you can see the insanity at BT on July 26th.

---

(9:04 pm PT) - Easy go, easy come
[link] - (hopeful)

So yes, the trip was rained on, but I got some good news on another matter I've been waiting on, so today evened itself out.

Heya, Domino, I should be getting the funds pretty soon (couple of months at best). I'll let you know once I get a set date.

---

(9:02 pm PT) - Side note
[link] - (hopeful)

If anyone knows where I can find the English OP for Reign the Conqueror, it'd be greatly appreciated. (Hell, I'd like an OS for this in truth.)

---

(1:22 pm PT) - What's the commotion about?
[link] - (hopeful)

Looking for Wolf's Rain. Any kind person know where I can get it?

---

(4:09 pm PT) - Before I forget...
[link] - (hopeful)

If anyone has a line on where I could get a file of the song "Probhupada Padma" by Rasa, please let me know, yah?

---

(12:22 am PT) - Stuck
[link] - (hopeful)

Working on Gojyo 'paper, but can't decide with song, Silent All These Years" or "Mother," both Tori Amos. This reminds me, I want to get her latest CD... and Pearl Jam's... and Live... ::sigh::

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Daily Genism: There are those who say I must write certain pieces, be it poetry, prose, fiction, or non fiction, in a particular style, format, outline, etc. They tell me that unless I write a thing in a specified manner, then whatever I'm writing is not what I'm writing at all. These are the people who would stuff my imagination in a bottle, label it, and set it on the shelf for about /$2.25.

I say, I at least want a coupon, damnit.

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