---

(8:15 pm PT) - I will never understand them, these creatures known as instructors
[link] - (listless)

I don't get how I can turn in an assignment, be told it was good, get full marks, and yet still be told in the same figurative breath I could have done better. If you're giving me full marks, how does one get better than complete?

I will never understand them, these creatures known as instructors.

---

(9:07 am PT) - Please come, Friday. And bring my little friend.
[link] - (listless)

Now I remember why I despised dialup so. Anyway, out of boredom and a need to expand my anime collection, I was going through animesuki to see if I could find anything of interest. I only got as far as the B's, so I still have a ways to go. But I came across a few titles. If anyone has a couple of cents to toss about them go ahead. "!!" means I'll get it irregardless, and "??" means I'm mildly curious at this time, so getting it is still up in the air.

Angel's Egg
Arion
Ayatsuri Sakon !!
Beyond the Clouds ??
Blame ??
Brother, Dear Brother ??

Oh yes, Kit, 33 wasn't on the CDs. I checked twice. /;.;\

---

(10:34 pm PT) - Personal spam, but with effort!
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So I wrote an abysmal review for Exovian over at HostSearch. They don't show my email, but I think they show my site url.

Someone over at LiveHost.net apparently saw my review, went to my site, the KH section no less, then used the contact form to tell me about their webhosting services.

Forget that this technically may or may not fall in the realm of spam, it's the fact that this person put in such an individual effort for it. I'm amazed, truly.

I checked it out. I'm now in the habit of asking certain questions, both for information as well as to judge response time of their support group. I'll see what happens before I make a final decision.

Oh yes, and my not-so-overly-developed sixth sense is telling me I'm going to have to stick foot way up in ass with Exovian to get my money back.

Why am I not suprised?

On a totally different note, (if you're still with me after that dribble), I had an idea that I can't seem to find anywhere. Many of you are familiar with the Murder Mystery parties, yes? Maybe a dinner theme or something hosted over a weekend at some cozy place. You can google for more info if I'm making no sense. Anyway, I don't know enough people RL to do that, but it seems such a thing could be hosted online. It's not much different from a message board RP, I'd imagine. I have a rough idea of how to go about it, but I may need to actually buy one of these games to know how clues should be handled. More surprising was that I couldn't find anything like this when I did search. Maybe I didn't look hard enough? Seems there should've been something like this around.

And finally, for the "is this for real" bin, I present, "Afterlife Telegrams."

I say nothing.

---

(9:10 pm PT) - Ho hum
[link] - (listless)

I have no major projects planned at the moment, sadly enough. I know I have fics that should be finished, but I'm having one of those, "Is anyone reading these?" moments. Far as sites goes, only things needed are tweaking versus major overhaul. (The FFX site doesn't count. I need to close that one, but I know how I feel to see a site totally gone versus just no longer updated.) I suppose I could work on my tarot script, but that really won't take more than tweaking, either.The whole online business thing is going to take time and money, the latter I'm lacking. Besides, I knew it wouldn't happen overnight. More like a few months. So, nothing to do. I feel so lacklustre and useless.

::sigh::

Randomly, I want to know how certain parties I live with expect me to do anything when they're out somewhere stuck, knowing that 1. I have no access to a car; and 2. I have no money. Then proceed to get mad when I can't solve their problem.

Apparently, logic went on vacation.

Well, whilst I sit here wondering if there's anything worthwhile I can do, I guess I'll read Demon Diary, now that RightStuf finally sent me the rest of the series.

---

(1:41 am PT) - insomnia before the fall
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So I haven't written here in a week. I don't really know why, I just haven't. Made some LJ posts instead, though mainly memes/quizzes. I shouldn't be posting now, because I don't have a hell of a lot to say. I'm definitely going to stop asking serious questions, because for some reason, they never get answered. The rhetorical ones do, which makes no sense. But then, I don't make sense. Still, even this has caused me to scratch my head a couple of times.

I've got yet another friggin' cold, and today I spent most of the time sleeping. Not-so-not good. I haven't been able to focus on doing much ever since the HD crashed, even though I have most of my things back. Lost my address book, though, so I lost all the addresses from everyone for Xmas. Have to get that all back.

I'm torn for what to do for NaNoWriMo this year. I was going to work on Mo`re's back story, which would undoubtly get gruesome and surreal in many parts. But now I'm also leaning towards a sequel for last year's fic, which would make it another Winter fic. I suppose when November gets here, I'll decide.

Speaking of surreal, that's how I've been feeling of late. There's a definite lack of touch with reality, and I'm neither sure how to get it back, or even if I want to. I suppose it's necessary if I want to remain a part of society, but I only want that for the perks. It's hard to get online if I'm in a nuthouse, isn't it? Not to mention the severe lack of anime/manga.

I believe part of this loss is the result of being a veritable prisoner. Ever since the loss of teh car, i've been confined here, for lack of a better word. It's not that I'm lazy or won't take a bus, it's what happens when I do. People have, on the whole, gotten a lot dumber, and in that stupidity, there's a greater narrowing of the mind. I swear it's only an inch wide. I find it difficult to tolerate on even short trips. This leads to a lot of violent tendencies I have to curb, though the last time I surprised myself with the intensity of them.

I wonder if the human body could really be mangled in such a way.

Probably the worst when it comes to taxing my patience is seeing people doing a grand job of not making their children behave like something a little less than barbaric. Instance, last Thursday I am coerced to go with the mother-unit to look into some housing. I won't get into all the horors of that trip, but on the way in we stop at Tacky Bell. (Because whatever that junk is, it hardly qualifies as a "Taco.") Mom's ordering, I'm sitting down trying to recover from the whole trip. Well, there's a woman with a boy who looks anywhere between 5-7. There's some coin machines in here, and the kids steadily beating on them. Smack. Whap. Bang. You get the picture. The woman is no more than five feet away. So someone tell me, please, why doesn't the bitch make him STOP! ::wheeze:: I have no patience for things like this, not when I know if I'd acted like that when I was that age, I would have got smacked upside my head, and deserved it.

It's things like this that make me not want to have kids. If I did, and they see some other kid acting like that and getting away with it, they'll think it's okay, and I'll have to knock them upside their head. No thanks.

But that doesn't explain or fix this sense of disconnection I have.

Maybe a trip to the museum. I can handle that alone. Actually, that's part of the problem, because it's been quite some time since I enjoyed doing anything with anotehr human being. But I'm pretty much an alien in this area, and I don't know where to find anyone with similar interested around within traveling distance. Those whose company I probably would enjoy usually live in a different state, if not country.^†

I don't know. I guess this is just a whine-fest, which I loathe to the bottom of my immoral being. And I've been somewhat depressed lately, no thanks to Medi-cal no longer paying for the one drug that I liked and actually worked.

Goodbye, April. Next year, I'm going underground.

Just got an old CD, Tesla, so think I'll go give it a listen. Maybe I'll figure out a solution tomorrow.

^† Though I don't know about Mina. She'd probably just try and steal my boobs.

---

(11:41 am PT) - Just in case you tend to gloss over the finer points of my post
[link] - (listless)

People, just to let you know, I'm very, very, extremely serious about the need for money, so ideas are desperately wantd, needed, and appreciated.

---

(7:56 pm PT) - I'm out of drugs. Lovely.
[link] - (listless)

I was told earlier this week that the pseudo health plan I'm not-quite-on is no longer paying for the mood stabilising drug I'd been taking. Too expensive, they say. So I ran out a couple of days ago, and no refill of anything in sight. I refuse to go back to Lithium. I just won't do it.

And after the day I had, dealing with an apparently very sick mother-unit, I'm ready to crawl under the blanket and just wish the world would either leave me be, or that stray bullet would finally find the mark.

People on AIM, if I don't show up, I'm just not in a great mood, and I don't feel like pushing it off on you, or making you feel like you should try and cheer me up. Nothing against anybody, this is just how I am. I'd rather deal alone than run the risk of making someone else feel bad.

I'm going to go visit my simulated farm and see how my sweet potatoes are doing now.

---

(4:27 pm PT) - LN - 1, crochet - 0.5
[link] - (listless)

So I spent all day crocheting a scarf, forsaking the computer up until 4pm PT. I managed to finish it, and for a first attempt, it's actually nice, IMO. It's rather open weave thanks to my using the wrong needle size (P), so the mother-unit dubbed it a springtime scarf. I may take a picture of it later.

I found that crocheting helps save the sanity a bit, as well as keeps me from feeling the agony of the first day of the monthly cycle. Yes, it's that joyous time once again where the Red Army declares war on both mind and body. You think it would learn by now, but it keeps getting in those good hits at the beginning of the battle.

Now that I've finished the scarf, though, I feel the pain.

If I can speed up the time it takes me to make one, you're all getting a scarf for next Xmas. thbbht.

---

(10:56 pm PT) - breaking the chains of a Puritan history
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For this post, a warning to all right-wing, fanatical, "everything is a sin," Bush is saving America supporter-type people. If you're here reading this, stop. Just leave. This is definitely not the place for you. If you continue to read, you'll encounter another, less friendly note should you feel the need to express your opinion here.

You've been warned.

Now then, for others. In case you've missed it, what with half the media focusing on that silly boob incident, here's the deal.

For those of us who wish for equal rights for gay couples, Massachusetts state supreme court ruled that denying same-sex couples the right to marry is in fact unconstitutional.

CNN's coverage
Earthlink's coverage

But you know this is going to be a fight. Bush is already attacking it. (Please, please, please, I don't want to see this maniac in for another four years.) We'll have to see how that goes.

There's something on it at vote.com now. Please head over and add your voice, regardless of whether you're for or against.

Now, for that unfriendly note I mentioned. In case someone googles in and feels an overwhelming need to say how Bush is a great man trying to protect this country from degenerates like me, I'll save you the trouble.

This isn't a forum for public opinion. There are plenty of message boards, chats, mailing lists, and sites for such things. This is my personal journal. So if you want to bitch about it, fuck off. If I want your opinion, I'll beat it out of you go to your journal and read it.

I think I covered all the bases there. So if I get any shiny, brand-spanking new idiots, I'll display them on my shelf with all the other morons I've collected over the years.

---

(1:41 pm PT) - Random
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Random responses and other such things.
Domino - Got the pic. Very nice. Thank you. Oh yes, my address hasn't changed yet. We've had to push the move back to January 04.

Kit - Tsk, you should definitely see what happened to Izi. Anyway, as you've probably guessed, I'll wind up emailing you my address once I'm done.

To muses - No, sorry, even if we do reach 50k, we can't rush to the end. I'm sorry, but we really need to keep going through the end, though I'll see what we can do about getting there a wee bit quicker.

Winter - Please know that, no matter what happens, I love you dearly. So I hope you'll forgive me when all is said and done. (And if nobody's ever thought to apologise to their characters before, I give you Apologia.)

Taija - no, I'm not smoking, so quit asking me for a cigarette.


Okay, I'm done for now, though I may be back for more mindless babbling.

---

(10:52 am PT) - NaNoLament
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Not really lamenting, just idle typing here at Locuran before I start the daily grindage.

It's a bit sad. Even though I know because of word count and deadlines that it's reading a bit slow, still, the fic for this year is better than I'd hoped. But inerest is lacking with only five readers. Doesn't matter, though. I've wanted to write this for awhile. I'll keep writing. Then another NaNowriter worries about lack of interest, with a readership of approximately 50. Why the worry? No comments. If I had that many just looking at it and not saying anything, I'd still feel honoured, personally. I don't know if they love it, but neither do I know they hate it, and apparently it's passing through their friends page at some point.

Oh well.

Izi (pronounced "easy") is no more. Good, she was annoying me. Today I'll break the shield on the forest. Alas, that means I'm about to put my most innocent and beloved Win through hell. May the fic goddess forgive me.

Oh yes, before I forget. Amberlee, the ST fandom was anal ever before the popularity of the net came about. When it comes to fandoms, there's fandoms, then there's ST. It's in a class all by itself. Though I'm tempted to toss SW in there. It seems any popular epic that creates rich worlds and species gets besotted by anal-retentive geeks, (by that I mean those people who have no purpose in life but to make absolutely sure all of the fandom adhere point by flippin' point to the plot devices as set for by said movie/series), who make life hell for everyone else. I love Star Trek up through Deep Space Nine. I'd probably score moderately well in any related trivia (better with TNG). But I swore a long time ago I would never touch that fandom even if my life depended on it.

Other famdoms afflicted in a similar manner: LotR, Star Wars, Gundam Wing (discounting the unique insanity found only in the yaoi sub-genre, which is a monster unto itself), The Pern universe (where part of the problem is with the actual author herself, whom I lost much respect for). There's loads others, those are just off the top of my head. I would say Harry Potter, but that seems to be drowning in a see of Mary Sue-dom more than anything else.

Looking at it, I suppose I can easily say I don't get into too many fandoms anymore. I read fiction, yes, but that's roughly the extent unless I make an ML myself. Even then, I only do that for more fiction. That's all I'm interested in. I don't need reviews. I don't need perfect grammar editors breathing down my neck. (Perfect grammar kills a story more times than people will imagine. Sometimes the sentence that's grammatically wrong sounds better than the one that's correct.) I just want to read decent fiction that I enjoy. If I find some I don't, I leave it be.

I am weirdo, hear me bitch.

And ending in randomness, mom got me a copy of Watership Down. If the quality of the tape is decent, I'll just record the sucker to file, or put it to DVD. I loved it when I was a kid. I loved the book as an adult. I'm hoping there's still a spark left somewhere so I can forget reality for an hour or so.

---

(8:42 pm PT) - Hn, I was right to call it entrapment
[link] - (listless)

For that to have been a birthday, Monday was more akin to hell, especially towards the end. It took Tuesday for me to get back to myself, with RP thanks to Mchan and Ki. Thanks also to Mchan, Kit, and Domino for the bday wishes. Ugh, if it wasn't for that and Animal Crossing, I'd call it another day.

Nothing much else to say until I decide to give a more detailed description of exactly why it damn near sucked. But, I'm getting Harmony of Dissonance in the mail, so that will also cheer me up.

Animal Crossings is cute. Too too too cute. However, it's the only thing to combat the fact that David is playing Silent Hill 3. Too too cute counteracts too too evil. Konami is on crack, and it's giving them nightmares. They in turn make it a game and give the nightmare to others.

Though watching the parental unit look at David play, then damn near claw her way to the ceiling in fright, is quite funny.

Well, going to work on site script, as Rivka upgraded from 1.1c to 1.1d. Hopefully the site won't explode on me.

---

(8:30 pm PT) - And now, anime...
[link] - (listless)

I watched Sorceror on the Rocks after having it for a couple of weeks now. I know it was done by the creators of Sorceror Hunters, unfortunately it doesn't live up to even that much promise. I did learn the difference between a lech and a sexist. Carrot is a lech. A loveable lech. He just tries to get some, and fails miserably. Shibas is a sexist bastard. End of story. Not to mention we have a case of yet another OAV referring to things from the main series (I'm guessing manga) that they don't explain well. (An example to me would be the opening for Twin Signal, where you see a bunch of characters in the opening sequence that never show up in the anime itself.)

Sorceror on the Rocks is shounen. It's male fanservice. Oh, Shibas and the swordsman whose name escapes me are 'bish' enough, but it's got more naked femme in the two lousy eps on the DVD than five eps of Ranma 1/2. (Random note, the swordsman is flaming, which could have been funnier if the whole thing hadn't fell flat.)

As it stands, I only remember Shibas name because it's on the back of the case. The plot just wasn't, the characters were 2D, and it's just about how much naked femme flesh can they fit into it and still have it make sense. The worst of the bunch is this nun/nurse who stays around because she thinks she can save Shibas soul. She let's this guy call her a bitch, tells her to call him master, and pulls her around by a chain of all things. Oh yes, at least one 'bitch-slap' too.

Plot? Shibas is in debt to some chick and takes a job to kill a monster at a town. Turns out the one who posted the 'Hero Wanted' actually wanted a sacrifice, but Shibas doesn't go down that easily, as he is the Bad Ass of the show.

(I didn't bother blotting that out because it's more or less what's on the case, so I don't feel it was a spoiler.)

In short, if you're either very straight (immature, teenage) male, or can do without a plot just to see nice character designs, sure, try it. Otherwise, I can't recommend this, especially if you're holding it up against Sorceror Hunters. It just doesn't make the cut to me.

---

(8:49 pm PT) - They're starting to feel unwelcomed. /¬.¬\.
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We moved the TV last night. Those two young ladies bitched. Oh yeah, like they have time for entertainment. I think not. Guess what? They didn't hang around here all day as usual.

I told the mother unit it was probably the TV all along anyway.

In local news, the McDonald's down the street is closed this evening. No, this isn't normal, and we found out that kids get violent when they're denied their fake food. One kid was repeatedly yanking on the locked door, while another ran through the drive-thru.

If things get ugly, I'm leaving.

Raine - Oooh, thank you. More than characterization, my main purpose to writing anything is just imagery and emotion, and how evocative can words that generally sit there actually become. You saying that makes me very happy. However, if you go to ffn looking for Saiyuki, be warned, there's a lot of Mary Sues thinly disguised as OCs lurking around, because too many people on ffn despise the thought of yaoi so much. But instead of writing a general interest fic, well, there you are. I guess their rationale is the Saiyuki boys must be in love, just not with each other. (Nevermind that the manga-ka was a yaoi artist first, and that two characters have past lives that were involved with each other, and were male then, too. Or the fact that four men are on a long car trip together... alone...) Ignore me, I'm raaaannnnnnting...

Gah, still tired. I think I'm going to change my vitamins...

---

(8:32 am PT) - Just to note
[link] - (listless)

If I start obsessing over anything from Kazuya Minekura, it's Mchan's fault. Already been sucked into Executive Committee. However, she warned that Wild Adaptor is high on angst, which I can't handle at present.

Going to talk to therapist. Wish I could give her a copy of my last entry, but my printer's out of ink, and I don't have a syringe. Have to fix that.

---

(9:35 am PT) - Meeting up...
[link] - (listless)

Kit, Raine, 26th good, so... what about a time? Heh, forgot about that.

Two more days, and this Xmas stuff is over with. I can hardly wait, I tell you.

::goes to play Dr. Frankenstein on Nucleus::

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