Wednesday, July 28, 2004
(2:08 pm PT) - ::puts away putty:: All clear
[link] - (lethargic)
Sometimes I envy those using a free service. You don't have to worry about the admin side. But then I think of all the control I have, and I can't give it up.
I am queen of my tiny queendom.
Oh yes, Ko-chan, the pain will go away, trust me. Just try not to think about that song.
Kit, it was a ram file, on the smallest dimension screen I've ever had the displeasure of dealing with. I think it was 160 by 120. Just doubling it from that made the quality craptacular.
Now I'm being asked to work on a picture... for an uncle... so maybe said uncle (who is a musician) will write a letter of recommendation for my brother. Of course this is all the matriach's idea. Yes, she's doing it again, while simultaneously trying to get me to help her once more with food prep.
If I didn't love her, I'd hate her. Verily.
Thursday, July 08, 2004
(1:20 am PT) - Recovery
[link] - (lethargic)
To whatever person that was with whatever crappy medical background they have that said working out makes one cycle lighter, both I and Miracle find that to be bull.
Not going to do a con report. I didn't take pics. I didn't attend panels. I didn't go to the video room. Really, the whole thing was a last minute decided whim in the hopes of securing an autograph. Like Kit said, the whole thing felt really flat. It pretty much just made me look forward to Ycon.
Now I have to go find yet another webhost, as it seems the current oen refuses to fix the problem with my control panel. The problem being that I can't access the damn thing.
Friday, May 14, 2004
(10:15 pm PT) - Bleh, and bleh some more
[link] - (lethargic)
Asshat lost the pithless job he had today. His own fault. Short story, he's a dumb fuck. Longer version: quality control chewed him out over something, (probably running his mouth when he shouldn't have been, as usual), and as per their regs, wrote up a report that he was supposed to sign. He refused, which equals insubordination. Duh. All he had to do was make a note saying he was signing under duress, then go complain to his supe. There's procedures to follow, after all. But no, he thinks he knows how to handle it. This is one individual I will not miss once I remove him from my life. (And I don't think I'd miss him that much if he were removed of his own life.)
Bah, hate this lacklustre of creativity. I know I still have an imagination, just seem to have lost the ability to tap into it.
On to the social part:
Kit: Got the CDs, thank you. Now I just have to sit myself down and look at them.
Kalli: Actually, I have Eerie Queerie #1. I'm still waiting on RightStuf to send EQ #2. They're taking their sweet time. I may just start going to a bookstore, except that usually requres a bus trip, something I loathe, especially in the recent heat out here. (Just another thing to blame the asshat for.) Have you read Demon Diary? Think of Gravitation, only replace the music aspect with magic. /^-^\ I swear Raenef and Shuichi are alike. As for the Gravi anime, I actually got the fansubs sometime in 2001, though I'm still getting the DVDs. I want to see how the dubs sound (I'm a dubhead, personally). Though I'm happy to have learned that they left all the music in Japanese.
Ah well, I suppose I shall return to my solitary rut and try and figure a way out of it. (Fat chance of that, though.)
Saturday, March 13, 2004
(1:02 am PT) - Argh
[link] - (lethargic)
From: LN
Re: sleep
A nap is somewhere between 30 minutes to an hour, not 4 hours. Also, randomly falling out at 8pm? Not s'good. I have people I'd like to talk to around then, and these four hour fallouts kind of throw a wrnech in the works. If you simply have to go to sleep like that, aim for 2pm or something, kthx.
Wednesday, February 18, 2004
(8:28 am PT) - Random
[link] - (lethargic)
I wish you could see what you do. I wish you'd see what you're doing. Then maybe I wouldn't wish you'd see what you did.
You talk of me missing you, when skin turns to dust. You talk of missing me, over a chasm of distance.
Too bad for you, and again for you, when you realise the truth; I've been gone long before.
You, this one, too blinded by the the moment to see I've slipped away.
You, that one, too caught in your own sphere to notice I'm slowly leaving.
Don't think my silence means I'm content. My lack of comment isn't an "all's well."
Perhaps you, and perhaps you, will later understand, when my silence is the only thing you hear.
Monday, January 19, 2004
(7:34 pm PT) - ::sigh::
[link] - (lethargic)
I must get out of this funk, but how.
Also, I'm obviously an emotional masochist, as on my winamp, I have an acoustic version of "Forever Love" followed immediately by "Space Lion."
Why do I do these things to myself?
Well, I do have that SH snippet sitting in my drafts. Maybe that will help me get over my writer's block. ::crosses fingers::
Feel free to drop all anti-funk escape methods in the commentbox.
Wednesday, November 05, 2003
(2:13 pm PT) - Hm
[link] - (lethargic)
So far, 700+ words. Needed, 1800. Fu.
Sunday, August 17, 2003
(8:52 pm PT) - tired or old age?
[link] - (lethargic)
Wednesday, May 07, 2003
(4:29 pm PT) - The joys of spam
[link] - (lethargic)
Oh yes, thanks for the link, Mirchan. I'll have to check it out... when I have money again. ::grumbles about forever indebt parent::
Saturday, May 03, 2003
(10:01 am PT) - The weather had other plans
[link] - (lethargic)
The weather had other plans.
I'm not down on the rain. I just don't like traveling alone in the rain. Whether someone comes with me or meets me at the destination, it doesn't matter.
But going somewhere alone in the rain is a scene right out of some depressing broken romance novel.
So the batteries remain uncharged, the mood remains flat, and all I can do is try to work through it.
C'est la vie.
Monday, April 28, 2003
(7:44 am PT) - I want my creativity back
[link] - (lethargic)
Domino, it's strictly the money at this point. I'm waiting until either I get a response to my case, or these flipping holidays stop so I don't have to pay for something. (Like mother's day this time...)
Mirchan my moods been so utterly flat that I just didn't want to weigh you down with it, or too many others for that matter.
I might see about doing something with this snippet. Then there's also a ::gasp:: finished FF8/10 xover I haven't really posted anywhere. The problem is, I don't have the PS2, the baby budder does, and all the games that might otherwise inspire me are PS2 games. (Well, there's OoT, but Master Quest gave me a major effin headache.)
I did step back from that php script. Then when I went to it again, I realized the thing might be done and the problem lay with my hotmail. After having Ki test it out with a junk hotmail... well in short, it's done. I just have to document and find some place to house/put it.
This brings out the romantic in even the most harden heart, provided one doesn't give a rat's petunia about gender, which I don't.
Saturday, April 12, 2003
(10:10 pm PT) - Breathe in, exhale
[link] - (lethargic)
Then there's the ever unpopular RL situations.
I don't want to go into it. It will either further depress me or just piss me off. I know I'll need to get it off my chest sooner or later, but right now, that's not an option.
And I missed the rain tonight.
The other reason I don't want to get into it, I'm tired of whining and complaining. It gets me nowhere. I don't know what to do about anything at this point, but hell, I'll get sick of myself if I do nothing but bitch and moan.
Oh yes, before I forget. To those people who dare to talk to me IRL and use the terns "good" and "evil" in reference to this war, I have something you need to know. First off, this war isn't about good and evil, it's about politics and government. People are just a casualty on either side of it, because, newsflash, governments don't give a shit. Second, if you continue to bother me with the misuse of those inapprorpiate labels in regards to this situation, I will stick my hand down your underwear and rip off/out your genatalia, then shove it so far up your anus you'll wind up 'eating' yourself. And guess what? When I do it, that doesn't make me an evil person. You can call it an evil act commited by a very pissed off individual, but it will have been provoked by your refusal to see the truth behind this senseless situation.
There is no good nor evil, there's only the driving force behind such acts. 9 of 10, it will boil down to money. Don't tell me that has nothing to do with this, because unless you have full access to government files, you don't know. Nobody knows everything their govenrment does, and anyone who believes their government tells them everything is a fool, pure and simple.
That out of the way, I'd just like to reiterate that I haven't changed my decision to remain silent on my views about this since the war has begun. I'm just upset at the narrow field of understanding from the people I'm surrounded by IRL.
Domino - Got your email. Let me know whenever you come back.
Mirchan - I had a somewhat legit job in creating Mina's layout (Money was involved, I call it legit), hence why I haven't been around. Will try for tomorrow.
Now I'm just incredibly tired, both physically and emotionally. I think I need a change of scenery, but I can't do that right now. Maybe I'll hit the museums next weekend.
Learning always makes me feel better, unless the subject is history.
Wednesday, March 19, 2003
(8:50 pm PT) - Need drugs...
[link] - (lethargic)
Cycle was the worst one yet, stayed in bed 80% of the time.
Just as I get off my cycle, I come down with a bug, so I'm achy, nauseus, et cetera. I go to the comp, stay on a few minutes, and get right back off for an equal length of time, if not moreso.
I'm guessing my immune system was low because of the Red Infantry, leading me to be more susceptible to said germ. All well and good, but I hate being sick.
Anyway, I'm going to see abuot filling myself with more chemicals to combat the symptons. Not good health practice, but I'm impatient right in through now.
When I can stay at my comp for longer than ten mintues, I shall return.
Friday, March 14, 2003
(10:34 pm PT) - Something...
[link] - (lethargic)
(Not an original premise anyway...)
Wednesday, January 15, 2003
(6:13 pm PT) - Nothin' doin'
[link] - (lethargic)
Note: One-A-Day active vitamins give too much energy.
Trivia: What is Daffy Duck's middle name? Yes, he does have one, and it's in a very specific 'toon.
I find it very sad that even on the so called cartoon channels, they continually edit out the scenes from the old Looney Tunes where any of the characters would kill themselves. HelLO, they never stay dead anyway. What, seeing Wile E. blow himself up is okay, but seeing Daffy take a gun to his head, fire, yet pop right back up saying something funny is not?
Can we say stupid?
If they need to censor anything, censor that wrestling crap where you see real people supposedly beat the crap out of each other with chairs and stuff.
Fates, this is one backwards ass country.
In state announcements, I'd like to point out the obvious when I say, Gray Davis is a buffoon.
I'm told either Thursday/Friday. I feel the state of Missouri at this point. Show me.
Planning for a Saiyuki fic, but I want to first add something to those KH fics I have.
So many unattended projects.
And finally, I made anotehr chocolate orgasm pie. Mom says she's going to label it with the following:
"Touch this pie without will put one at risk of painful, slow death."
She has her moments.
Mchan - when it comes to bad days, you have my complete empathy. Hopefully I'll catch you later. Maybe our favourite brunette and redhead can help cheer you up, ne?
Oh yes, I'll post the answer to Daffy's middle name in my next entry...
Sunday, January 05, 2003
(8:36 pm PT) - Onward ho we tramp through the deluge of RL. Someone hand me a shit umbrella
[link] - (lethargic)
And how do you get "Yuki" from "Yaome?"
Other road... you know the bad thing about getting into something obscure? Can't find any fanfiction on it. However, that's also the good thing, because there's less chance of finding any bad fanfiction, especially the dreaded Mary Sue that seems to have started drowning the Saiyuki section at ff.net. Actually, the entire waulity of fics there has sunk so low it's burrowed through the Earth and is coming out the opposite side.
Good writers, go... Mediaminer.org. At least you can write all the NC-17s you want. And anyone who wants to complain about the small fic selection should consider writing a fic and adding it. That will be one more fic that wasn't up there before, now, won't it?
I'm still in hell, so no change there. I keep getting told one date, only to have it pushed back. So I'm going to see if I can at least save out enough money for a nice bus ticket, then if the date's pushed back again, well, Domino, you'll see me sooner than you think.
Another road... I will probably not be around too much tomorrow. It's the mother unit's b-day. I think she'll be 49. Now by her age, she should at least be a grandmother given the average of things around here. I'm happy to report that she's not. Where as my aunt, who will be 54 on her b-day, is a great-grandmother.
BWA HA HA HAAA... and the bitch said I'd be the first one to have kids out of everyone in my generation...
Revenge is sweet, so are condoms. Besides, I wouldn't want to chuck a child into this hellhole. They'd have all rights to hate me for it when they realize just what kind of madness they've been born into.
Creativity zapped thanks to "guests", and I have a FF fic due on the tenth. This sucks.</mindless dribble>
::goes looking for Gojyo angst w/o Mary Sue::
Tuesday, December 17, 2002
(7:02 pm PT) - Incense and Annoyance in A minor
[link] - (lethargic)
I've been getting headaches every day for a week, more, I believe. I'm sure it's the stress of the current situation, which I know I've been whining about for far too long and far too much. Well now I'm worried, because I'm finding an excessive need for painkillers just so I can function.
Last thing I need is a freakin' addiction on top of the usual madness.
Due to an increase of blemishes on my face, I bought (after searching long and hard) some [more] Herbal Logix. Good stuff, but one problem... I can't use the bathroom the way I want.
Seriously. The sink is better left unsaid, the floor is usually damp, and truly enraging, someone's been using my washcloth. I may have mentioned it before, I can't remember, but fuck. You know it's not yours. You know you don't live here....
Okay, perhaps unfair of me. The twins are mentally challenged (lack of oxygen at birth, I'm told). But, their sister should see to it they know not to freakin' use anything that is not theirs. Is that too much to ask?
I won't get into the mother unit, since a lot of this is her own fault. I feel for her, I empathize with her, and I'm annoyed with her all at once.
Worse about all of this, I feel so profoundly cheated. The original plan was for a quiet December. After the self-inflicted but highly satisfying stress of NaNoWriMo, December was going to be the wind down period, then boom, a new year. HAH. That will teach me.
Next December I don't want to be around mom. She subconsciously sets herself up for some kind of unneeded stress and drags everyone down with her. Sorry, mother, I'm not a masochist.
But again, cheated, because I normally like Xmas. I enjoy dealing with the tree, despite the muttered curses when I'm putting up the lights. One of my favourite pastimes is to go into the living room late at night and just watch the lights reflecting off the exorbitant amount of tinsel used. (My preference is white lights.)
I enjoy wrapping gifts. I treat each wrapped but untrimmed gift as a blank canvas and see how can I trim this in a way to really make it stand out. A lot of people have felt bad opening the gift because I'd put so much time into decorating it. They didn't want to mess it up.
I enjoy some of the animated Xmas specials (and screw the fact that I'm not a kid). I don't care what anyone says, Garfield is funny.
I really enjoy making innuendos and comments with mom when we watch Mikhail in The Nutcracker.
Basically, I enjoy just peaceful moments without the over the top, blatantly commercialistic side of the holidays.
At this point, the only thing remotely Xmas like in my room is a red ribbon I'm planning to tie to my monitor somehow. We can't put the tree up because they're mainly sleeping in the living room, which is small on a good day. With two air mattresses, it feels like a damn barracks.
...and I promised myself I wouldn't bitch. So much for that.
It's hard not to feel the way I do, though. I can't enjoy what I normally would be doing right now. It's the 18th, that's less than a week.
Forget the Whos, the Grinch stole my Xmas.
It's times like this I wish I was closer to my relatives in KCity, because damn the loss of internet, at least I'd be somewhere quiet and winding down while the lights flicker and grant me the illusion of fireflies living in my tree.
Well, before I end this whiny bit...
Kit: Course Jasmine can come. Maybe I can convince my brother to show up just for the hell of it. (Could be easier, since he has Access, which is like a taxi service for the handicapped and much cheaper.) Any place you have in mind?
